A Conversation at the Border


We crossed back into the US this afternoon at the border crossing in Portal, North Dakota. Following the instructions of the border guard, I pulled up to the booth where he was waiting. Our conversation then proceeded thusly:

He: Hello Joann.

Me: Hello….wait….did you just say my name?

He: (smirking): Yes, I did. Hello Joann. Where are you coming from today?

Me: We started in North Battleford, SK today, but we are really coming from Alaska.

He: Alaska? Why did you go there?

Me (pointing to my sister): We drove up to visit her daughter who works there.

He: Do you have any firearms, tobacco, or cigarettes?

Me: Nope.

He: (as he was looking in the back of the car) Do you have any fresh fruits or vegetables?

Me: No. Do we look like we’ve been eating fruits and vegetables for the past three weeks?

He: (laughing as he notices our snack bin full of chips and chocolate). No health food snacks here.

He: Did you make any purchases in Canada?

Me: Only gas and doughnuts.

He: Ah….you discovered Tim Horton’s!

Me: Indeed we did.

He: OK. Welcome back to the United States!

I was just glad he hadn’t asked me about my birthplace (Pakistan) or the 7 Chinese visas in my passport.