Please Collapse on a Table

cartoonIn preparation for our drive to Alaska later this month, my sister and I took a CPR/First Aid course yesterday. Since our 86 year old mom is going along for the ride as well and my sister and I don’t have any medical knowledge beyond how to affix a band-aid, we thought it would be a good idea to know some basic stuff, especially since we’ll be driving through some pretty remote areas.

When we walked into the classroom and I saw 8 ‘dummies’ laid out on the floor, I thought, “Oh No!”  Thanks to three screws holding my right kneecap in place and shredded cartilage in my left knee, kneeling on the floor is a common physical activity that I pretty much CANNOT do.

After the instructor walked through the basics of CPR with the class participants it was time for us to practice on the dummies. Fortunately she asked if any of us had knee or back problems; I sheepishly raised my hand. “No problem,” she said, “we’ll put the dummy on the table for you.”

So while everyone else was down on their hands and knees pounding away on the dummies, I was working on the one on the table.

“Great,” I thought, “soon I will be CPR certified, but it will only apply to folks who have the foresight to collapse on a table.” Meanwhile, my sister looks up at me, rolls her eyes, and mutters “I’m doomed!”

So, if you are with me, and think you may have a medical emergency requiring CPR, please be kind enough to take note of where the tables are and collapse on them instead of the floor.


Note: if you’re looking for CPR/First Aid instruction for yourself or company/organization, I would whole-heartedly (no pun intended) recommend Chance for Life CPR Training, based in Eagan, MN.

And stay tuned to this blog for tales of our Alaska adventure, beginning next Friday! This weekend we’ll get a refresher course on how to change a flat tire.


(Postscript: I was able to get down and kneel on my left knee for one round of dummy-pounding.)

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2 thoughts on “Please Collapse on a Table

  1. Good to know, and good universal advice, because how do I know that my potential CPR administerer (?) doesn’t have a knee injury? Now my last act as I go down might be purposely pitching myself onto a table! Or running across an open plaza to hurl myself onto the nearest cafe table! (“Safe!”) Is there a ‘Table Certified Only’ CPR merit badge?

    Pound the dummy – Punch the Bulgarian! Based on the ‘friendly animosity’ of Russians towards Bulgarians I hear that CPR dummy company is now producing a standing dummy they call ‘The Bulgarian’. It’s in great demand for Physical Therapy centers in Russia. Patients are quite motivated by it!
    Joann, you made my morning! I’m having a big old Sam Pittman laugh!

  2. Joann, in your class, did they teach mouth to mouth? I heard that a few years ago medical experts decided its no longer necessary.