Slippery Legal Monopoly

As I was cleaning out my billfold today I came across a very funny business card that a market vendor had given me this summer.  It was in classic Chinglish. 

On one side of the card was the name of the company: 

Slippery legal monopoly of wheel Store

The other side listed the products:

cardinal Manage product wholesale and retail

Dry skates, ice skates shoe, sliding way car, sliding
way, Star sky wheel, suddenly and violently walk
shoe, the aviation shoe…etc. and an etc. of various
helmet, protecting equipment, wheels are various
Brand product.
 

I don't know about you, but I'm particularly interested in the 'suddenly and violently walk shoe.'

Oh, and in case you're wondering what they in fact do sell:  skateboards, in-line skates, roller-skates and the attendant accessories!